panic attack, anxiety, fear of abandonment

[HELP]

Hello.. ( I'm French...sorry if it's hard to understand))

I recently discovered this web site and I read some articles.
I was just wondering what therapy would be effective for me.

My story short, long and ...
Since I'm born I have been suffering with a fear of abandonment, after my father left home when I was 1 year and a half, I was scared that my mother will do the same, I had trust issues, foxing school and all. I was also very disappointed with relationship with boys, I was taking advantage of and called idiot for many years, I even came to believed I was an idiot. I managed to go to college and university far from my home, but agoraphobia started which I managed to overcome it. After that, a became depressed and my doctor prescribed antidepressor, I was 21 years old. Even with my boyfriend at that time, I was scared of abandonment and jealous. I left my boyfriend to see if I would be able to overcome my problems. I took the medication until 24, I quit, I met a new boyfriend, I smoked weed and had 2 abortions ( because my boyfriend didn<t want children, but at the beginning he made me think he wanted it) with the same guy, Panic Attack started, I had to go to the hospital and I had to start taking Paxil and rivotril with a diagnose of Generalized anxiety disorder from a psychiatrist.
I had the same problem, I was jalous and scared that he will find someone better than me, etc...
I left him, because I was to overwelmed with my fears and I was feeling very low and I think that all the things he told me ( he wanted kids, I got pregnant, he made a big scene so I had to get an abortion)- I couldn't live with that anymore.
At 28, I met my actual boyfriend, I stopped taking Paxil because of the libido and sexual problems, I had a lot of withdrawals symptoms and it's been a year since I'm not taking the medication, but it seems like if all my emotions, sensations and all my fears from when I was young all came back and drag me nuts, because I don't know how to deal with them. I still get panic attack once and a while related to the fact that I think that I have a mental problem and i'm scared to become crazy and i'm scared that my boyfriend will live me or leave me for someone else or lie to me or to something bad. I don't want to take medication again. My relationship is hard because I feel I have a blocage inside that doesn't let me be me and enjoy life. I feel that I'm scared to be free of negatives feelings because I don't want to miss any bad things that could show up and I wouldn't be able to see them before they happen. I scared to be sick, to get paralysed and that he will live me. I have so many fear, that i'm loosing weight like crazy, but my appetite is good and all..
Now I'm 29 and before 30 I hope my life could be normal and I could feel better with myself. I know I have issues with self esteem and lack of confidence within myself and others.

Anyway..hope my writing is understandable and that you can suggest me a good therapy or tell me if it's possible to cure me with one of the therapy. I found a TLT therapist in Montreal, but I'm waiting for an appointment.

If I could now it is curable..I would feel already a little bit better..

Thanks a lot..

[Terry (existing)]

You have told us nothing so bad that it is incureable, or better yet, unchangable. Fact is, you are not even unique, there are lots just like you, and all can change with the proper treatment, designed for them as individuals. Having dragged yourself through the gutter of self depredation and guilt, you are now covered in slime, and that is what you see. What you don't see is that a good shower will remove the slime, and leave you open to the light of day. Problem is, you then need guidance for your future if you are not to slide back into chaos. I wish you well. Since your native tongue is not English, I would suggest you look up the word depredation in a dictionary, since it was used with intent to point the way to change for you. Beating up on yourself is nothing more than a waste of time.

[HELP]

Hi Terry..I looked up for the word depredation..which seems to be destruction, so self-destruction. Yes, I see what you mean...

I wanted to say thank you. Moreover, I would add that when I talk about How I feel..I get more panic attack. I'm kind of scared to go talk about the way I feel and have more and more panic attack. I saw a psuchologist last year and I had to stop because my panic attack were worst then ever.

Do you think that the TLT or hypnosis therapy will make me have more panic attack?

thanks again!

[Poodle]

I would suggest that you continue with a psychiatrist with medication -- there are newer anti-depressants that do not inhibit the libido and work in conjunction with a hypnotist, NLP Master Practitioner or a Time Line Therapist (best world would be to find all three in one). You seem to be in the business of self-diagnosing. There are alternative medications for panic attacks. Once the real issue is uncovered, which may have nothing to do with which you consciously think, it is easily taken care of. We advocate working with your mental health professionals - not against them.

Stop thinking badly of yourself NOW. Go take that nice wonderfully soothing and cleansing shower Terry mentioned. Wash off that slim and come out as YOU. THE NEW WONDERFULLY TOTALLY HEALTHY IMPROVED YOU. Having this type of problem is no different than having a broken leg, needing an appendix out or whatever.

Congratulations on your English. You did a magnificent job of writing. Go for it girl! I know you can do it. Pood

[danielleclem]

Hi. I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone. I can relate with everything you've said. I have had huge trust issues in every relationship as well and it is a horrible way to live. I feel panic and anxiety and feelings of inferiority (relating to my fear of my boyfriend leaving me for someone else) every day most of the day. I too am seeking non mainstream treatments, and I'm hoping that you can find something that makes your emotional pain a little more manageable. My best to you. I hope you find what you need.
D

[HELP]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and support...

I actually found a NLP-Hypnotist and TLT all in one, I'm waiting for a reply following my demand for an appointment.

I have some fear of taking back medication, because coming out of Paxil was the worst thing ever, even starting on it, I had no emotions for at least 4 months. I'm not seeing any psychiatrist, I'm seeing my GP once an a while.
I saw a lot of psychologist, since the age of 9 years old ( my mother brought me because of my fear of her leaving like my father). And so on. The last one I saw was working with diagrams of distrust, abandonment, things that you tend to repeat and people you meet that causes the same problem over and over ( it's like if instead of meeting the person that will make me feel good, talk to me like the father I never had, will make me trust him and all) I meet people to tend to use me or have issues of their own that don't make me feel good.
But I have doubt about that kind of therapy. Sometimes I think that I just don't want a see the truth about my boyfriend that he is not for me because he doesn't tell me that I look good, he is nottoo too emotional and I am!

Anyways, this type of therapy didn't help me, my panic attacks got worst, my GP told me to stop if it was making me like that.
When I stop my medication, I was taking it for many years, my GP aggreed that I could try to come off it. For sure sometimes I feel that I would be better with medication to help me lose less energy and focus better, but I have a blocage of somekind regarding that a fear that even on Paxil my issues came back ( but I know, I wasn't seing regularly a psychologist to deal with the real issue).

Yesterday, after Terry's advise to take a good shower, it helped me. I told myself to stop putting myself down and I had a good day!!

Thanks again and Good day!!!

[HELP]

I just wanted to say that I find it hard to find a good therapy..Today..in the world we live in..people want to find the quickest way to feel better..
You see a doctoc and the minute you feel low..take a pill..
I admit that I didn't get into the whole process with a cognitive-behavioral therapy while I was on Paxil..and I think it was because I wasn't ready..or I didn't understand fully that my thoughts have a lot to do with the way I feel..
Now I do..I really DO!!!

I'd like to know if the TLT or NLP is the same as the cognitive-behavioral therapy...?? From what I ve read..it's seems to be...
I 'm also very curious about the way TLT or NLP can help me.. Can someone explain how it works for a case like me?
Moreover..Poddle, you told me that maybe it's something unconsicous that is causing the way I feel..Can you explain more? Thanks..

Thank you to all of you!!

[danielleclem]

I agree with you that they seem similar to cognitive Beh therapy but maybe more rapid. I saw a CBT therapist and just lost patience with the whole thing. I think my negative unconcious won out in the end and I couldn't (or didn't want to )think and see things more rationally like CBT suggests. Maybe my therapist wasn't the best.

CBT seems to help alot of people if they're willing to do the work. Maybe NLP and TLT and all would be similar but more rapid. Seems that way...

Wanted to mention that I am just not a huge fan of Paxil. If the emotional pain is harmful enough to warrants med by all means use them, but be careful of the SSRI's like Paxil. Don't get me wrong they are often what many people need, but when I took Paxil for about a year, I thought that God was speaking directly to me all day long every day and got involved with a psycho pastor who was abusive. Went back to normal after a horrible withdrawal from the drug. I did better on some other SSRI's besides Paxil but there all usually those dreaded side effects. Not to scare anyone- just a warning.

I'm hearing good things about moclobemide for depression and Lamictal for mood stabilization (moclobemide is not in the states yet though). Neither seem to have such extreme side effects like, brain fog, sexual problems, weight gain...

I'm all for solving probs without medication though if at all possible because I've had so many bad experiences with them!!!!!

Hope you all find what you're looking for.

My best to all.
Thanks

[Terry (existing)]

I do not speak for anything other than hypnosis, since that is were my skills lie. Hypnosis done properly will not nescessarily bring on a panic attack, but some practitioners may feel it is nescessary for you to experience one under your own control, so that you can learn to avoid then in the same way. I never speak for how another practitioner might aproach a particular client, because that would be improper, and second guessing the treatment you should get. I suspect you have done sufficient naval gazing to date, and don;t need more, but look within and see why you are lacking in self respect, because that is the road to self love also. You do seem at this juncture to be second guessing the cause of your problems, and by doing so, setting up a barrier for any therapist to overcome who choosed a different route to eradicate your problem. I suggest you place yourself in the hands of the best you can find, and then let them do their job instead of second guessing them.

[HELP]

I understand that I didn't go as far as I wanted to go with all the therapist I went to see. But anyways...

I have also bad PMS, as a woman, maybe Danielle will understand..When I'm about to have my period..Houu...I get more stress..anxiety and sort of paranoia and mood swings..Since i'm already a bit fragile, it's even more hard to deal with...

Also..When I took Paxil..After a while..my body got use to it..For my Panic Attack..It was wonderful, but to many side effect..including meniere syndroms..since I'm not on it..it's gone..

Ok..so I think that if I really need to get to the road of hapiness..I will have to choose a good therapist and work hard..This is my best bet..

QUESTION:
But I would of like to know if someone can tell me how exactly will a TLT -NLP and hypnotist will do the trick with me? I'm still don't understand

Thanks to all of you!!...

[HELP]

Hello again..By looking too fast..I didn't properly read what Terry mentioned and I did read his message again and I understand better what he meant!

If I understand well, each TLT-NLP and Hypnotist choose a way to treat their patient depending on the problems- issues..

So i'm changing my previous question: In what this is different from any other therapy?

Thanks again and again..!!

Iz

[skip]

Exactly how ... without knowing you?

Not possible.

But I can perhaps offer you a general idea.

All of us are made up of a raft of behaviors. All sorts of unconscious responses. Responses that go to make up how we feel, how we act, what we believe, and so on.

Those responses have been being set up since before we were born, and will continue to affect out behavior, feelings, thoughts until we die, and perhaps longer.

And they are layered, because just because we learn something new, doesnt mean we forget what we knew before. And the reason we respond in certain ways isnt always logical, or apparent. And just because we respond one way one time, doesnt mean we will respond the same way again, because of other unconscious responses that might have been going on that set the 'conditions' for the response.

So as you can imagine, it can get pretty complex, and sorting stuff out can be detailed and inexact. Fortunately we dont have to sort thru everything, nor do we have to unravel the threads of 'why' you responded one way or another.

We only have to learn to respond, the way you desire, in the circumstances.

And learning is thankfully one thing we humans do best.

Hypnosis, NLP, TLT, and other 'therapies', are just different methods of enhancing learning. Learning on a level that you arent used to learning on deliberately. But you are used to learning this way, and learning fast, and accurately, naturally. Given skilled assistance you can learn to learn this way deliberately.

So consider what you do want instead of what you dont want. And think of NLP, TLT, hypnosis as a method of not just learning that skill, but learning on a level, so that it is your first, natural, unconscious, response. That way you dont have to remember to think about it. Your body/mind just does it, naturally, comfortably, honestly, the way you want it to.

Pretty neat huh?

skip

[MR behavior]

Hi, help , you have a quite sometime with your sintoms , i will recomend psicotherapy , it will be long time with your psicologist. i have a great master in France , the name is DR. Ignacio Garate. Was is my best teacher. He will know what to do! There is no short time cures!

[Poodle]

If you look maybe at the very bottom of this page or on the front page of the Forum, you will find definitions of each therapy well written by one of the world's leading experts.

Panic attacks I would personally prefer to treat in hypnosis. I am not one of the believers that you have to be experiencing one for me to work with you. As Terry said some do and actually cause you to have one. Somehow I think if the hypnotist realized just how awful a panic attack is, that would STOP! Is not fun, huh? They are usually very easily taken care of with hypnosis.

One nice thing about NLP is you do not have to experience any of the negative/bad emotions. We change that for you. NLP is based in NOW -- not yesterday, 10 years ago or when you were born. You can go back but there will be no "feelings" attached to what you see. NLP can work that fear of abandonment into total confidence if that's what you want. Fear is really a learned behavior. Humans have two basic natural fears - fear of falling and our "flight or fight" instinct which we are born with. What you were born with you want to keep. That which you have "learned" can very well be "UNlearned" and changed to your desired state (how you really want to feel).

No one should go off of Paxil except on the advice of their medical provider. Paxil is one of those drugs that have to be done very gradually under the weekly supervision of the medical provider or bad effects could occur. Self-medicating is maybe worse than trying to practice hypnosis with no training.

[Don]

MR behavior, I would respectfully disagree.

In psychotherapy, there is the more traditional long-term methods, but there is also what is know as "short-term therapy." The therapy a patient gets will depend on what system(s) their doctor was trained in.

According to one research who examined many thousands of pages of published research, treatment of a problem with a psychiatrist may take years. With a psychologist, the same situation will take months. With hypnotherapy, it may take weeks.

To our guest, I cannot predict how long working with you might take. But you asked about a "cure." If someone has cancer and it is removed using any combination of treatments, doctors do not say it is "cured." Once a person has been successfully treated for cancer, they must go in for regular check-ups to assure that it doesn't return. In many cases it never does return.

So I can tell you that no legitimate practitioner of hypnotherapy, NLP, TLT, etc., will ever say that they will "cure" you. What they can say, however, is that if you are willing to work with them, your mental, physical, emotional, and even spiritual behavior can change so that the issues you face will no longer be a problem.

[HELP]

Thank you for all your help...:)

I just wanted to say that when I stop taking Paxil..my Doctor was following me and it was a decision both of us took together.
The only thing I can say..maybe the process was more rapid..over 2 months only..I admit that I could of decrease for even more longer..like 8 months..
But it will be a year in July of this year that I'm not taking Paxil, I'm clean of withdrawal symptoms, but not clear of my own problems..which I want to be..

Ok..so I think that I will look at all the options and do my best to feel better with a good therapist. I'm welling to work hard..I feel it..

Thanks again to all of you..

Take care!!!

Iz